No Walk This Morning

No Walk This Morning

By O’Ceallaigh

Dan            OK, so I got lazy!

I rolled out of bed this morning at about 5:45. Rain was coming down and clanging on my window air conditioner and making a terrible racket. I have a great big black umbrella . I’ve used it before on my walks and it keeps me dry, but today…?

Nope! Today just wasn’t a day for a walk.

In the past two and a half years I don’t think I’ve missed five days when I haven’t walked somewhere, but I just didn’t have the time today.

I had three things that I simply had to do!

  • 1. I had to shave!

That may sound simple to you but this is a project. You see, I’ve worn out my electric razor. I grew to manhood and began using an Injector and I was so used to it that the electric never did give me that “close shave” that I had expected. But I used it for some time. It was a gift from my daughter and I appreciated it!  So, I wore it out.

Then the razor engineers developed a double bladed snap-on blade that (or would it be blades? But then I’d have to change the tense of the word; blade it is!) – so it first pulled the whisker up and then, before it snapped back into its follicle, the second blade would sneak up and slice it off!

Then some other engineer graduated from college with marketing as a second degree and developed a three (count ‘em) THREE bladed razor. Mercy!

This wondrous blade first would grab the whisker pull it out and the second would then latch on to hold it in place whilst the third would race up behind and saw it off before it ever had a chance to escape the grasp of the first two! Wonder of wonders!

I don’t think it was more than four or five years and the three bladed razor was old hat.

Apparently, there was another engineer ready to graduate from RIT (no, not Rochester Institute of Technology – RAZOR Institute of Technology) and he, or maybe it was a she this time, looking for a smoother shave, began developing the FOUR bladed razor.

Now this one is unique indeed! It is such that the first blade grabs the whisker and pulls it out about three inches! Then the second gets a good hold on it and yanks it out another inch or two! About this time the third come along and latches on to the whisker that’s stretched out like a violin string and the fourth releases all the tension allowing it to snap back into your face.

I believe, however that it never quite retracts sufficiently to take up its original position on the man’s head.

Therefore, it is my firm belief that I have inadvertently discovered the cause of Male-Pattern Baldness! These four bladed razors are pulling all the hair down through the head, out through the cheeks and chin leaving that shiny scalp on top that all the women love so much.

Maybe it’s so – maybe it’s not.

Now, let’s see, where was I?

  • 2. Well, I did shower and dress.

There’s not much to tell unless you’ve never taken a shower and gotten dressed. It’s really quite mundane!

  • 3. I think it was church. With all the confusion, I’m just not sure  Whatever it was, I know I took a dish!
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